Walls

It's been a while since I have updated, so I figured a significant day like today would be a good time. As of today it has been one month since I have seen Jon. It was one month ago today that we broke up, making it the first month of 2011 where Jon and I have not been in each others lives.

As I was running errands the other day, I passed by Jon driving two or three times. It was the first time I had seen his face in a month... and it was very weird seeing him and knowing that he isn't mine anymore. I don't think he saw me, I could just spot his car anywhere because coincidentally he owns the one car I have always wanted...I'm doing okay, I think. It really sucks to say this, but I have changed a lot since we broke up.. not too badly, but enough to recognize that Jon was definitely my inspiration to be good, balanced and focused. I know I have God for that, but we all need our extra support. I got to hang out with my best friend Natalie today for the first time in a very long time and I told her that today makes it one month.. and she completely teared up almost to the point of crying... and she hardly ever cries. So I would say that says a lot.

I have been doing a very good job of not thinking too much about this. I miss Jon, I love him, but I'm learning to let go of him as hard as that is to do. It's been a lot easier being with my best friends every day but I swear there is something about the night that always haunts you with memories. I've woken up a few times at night to find myself crying extremely hard from either not dreaming at all or dreaming about just being with him. I let my walls down with Jon. He knows almost everything there is to know about me and knows every emotion as it crosses my face. But unfortunately now, my walls are back up and higher than ever... even with him.

Aside from that, one of my best friends, Shelby, practically moved in a few weeks ago haha so we have been having a really fun summer. I unfortunately didn't get into the summer class I signed up for, but you know what? Now I have time to myself to relax, work and just enjoy having a real summer. My cousin is visiting from Oregon right now and it is so good to see her. She is 14 and such a good girl! It's so amazing and exciting to see that she hasn't been pressured or influenced to do anything she would regret.



What else... I am so excited to get my next tattoos! I have my next two planned out, and I am still designing the one after those. I'm still trying to find a job and I'm really, really hoping to find one soon. And I'm getting really excited for the Jordan this week! I didn't get to go last week, I miss it.

Well I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer <3

Xoxo,
Hill