we dont choose who we love, we just do..
its 2:00am and i just woke up and i cant stop crying. i didnt think it was possible to miss someone so much.
i know i dont know whats going to happen. everything could turn out fine, who knows but just knowing that right now, in this moment, i dont know what is going to happen is the worst feeling ive ever known.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
"Don't give up, just love."
I wrote Jon a letter. That is all that I needed; now my words and feelings are there for him to consider and my mind is more at ease knowing that I have officially let my guard down to possibly bring back the person that I love.
My friend Shelby and I woke up this morning and decided to have a picnic, so we went down to a restuarant I worked at for a few years to pick up some sandwiches and take them to the "secret spot." Well, on our way, we decided to kidnap our friend Connor, so we drove back to Carlsbad to get him :)
We went to the "secret spot" that Jon showed me back in February and had so much fun! We shared our sandwiches and curly fries with Connor and hung out for a little bit taking embarrassing pictures of each other and watching people down on the beach try to surf. Apparently we were tresspassing? And the police kicked us out :( but we decided to walk around Encinitas for a little longer. The weather couldn't have been more perfect and we just had a good time all together. I absolutely love the fact that I am reuniting all of us friends now that we are all in better stages in our lives!!
Today was a very good day for me.. my mind is finally relieved of all the feelings and thoughts that I was having about this situation with Jon and now he has them written down in his hands. Even though I would much rather see him in person, having him know how I feel is just so much better than not.
While Shelby and I were picking up our food this afternoon at T's, I was talking to my old manager and she asked if I had a boyfriend these days... when I told her that we were on hold for now and I'm not sure where it's going to go, she asked why and I told her. What she told me really hit my heart hard and made me feel very confident about this:
"Don't give up, just love."
Thursday, May 26, 2011
patience is a virtue
So it has been 4 ridiculously long days of waiting to hear from the one person that I cannot imagine losing. Today though, I came to the conclusion that life doesnt like to follow your personal schedule. Something that Jon always told me was that patience is a virtue. Ive heard that my whole life, but never have I had it be more clear to me that it really does apply to day-to-day life.
This whole thing with Jon is teaching me a lot.
One: I need to learn to trust. I trust Jon with my life, but as soon as this situation came about, I began doubting that I mean enough to him; but what I realized from thinking that is that if Jon were to know that I was doubting how much I mean to him, he would probably be really upset that my mind would even go there. So I need to stop doubting and start trusting.
Two: I need to learn patience. I need to be patient with Jon. I know that he is going through a lot right now and that he needs his time to think and look at the bigger picture. I know that talking to each other is the only way to get through this, but by putting myself in his shoes, I realized that I would want a few days to think too and that I would hope that Jon would be patient with me. And this is another place where trust comes in: I need to trust that my patience is only going to make this better.
And Three: Reality freaking sucks, so I know how Jon must feel right now. He likes for things to be easy and finding out that he has to re-take his classes over the summer completely goes against the idea of things being easy. Of course, hes not the only one though. I have to take an english class this summer as well and Lord knows that no one is excited to take summer classes. I understand him, I know where he is coming from. We wanted a fun summer to ourselves. We wanted to enjoy being together and having the summer off together, but reality decided to smack us in the face and tell us that its not going to be that easy. Work and school are going to consume our time, and that is not a fun thought. But I want to do this together, who would want to do that alone without someone to help motivate you? We are both in the same boat and we can help motivate each other. This is where we fight reality. We can make it enjoyable just like we did for the spring semester and I hope we can do for the semesters to come.
So anyway, to wrap this up, I am more relaxed today. I had a final this morning for my statistics class and I got to school a few hours early to study with a couple friends. This final was ridiculous, it would either make or break my grade in the class, so I was forced to take my mind off of Jon. All I thought about was studying, memorizing formulas, rules, reasons and ideas that would help me pass this exam. The final took me a little under 2 hours to finish and honestly, I think I did pretty well. 10 hours of studying yesterday and 2 hours this morning paid off, at least I hope. So now that this semester is over, Im trying to enroll in my english class for the summer. My final this morning really helped me clear my head and allowed me to focus on everything else, which is helping me be patient with Jon. Im willing to wait for him because he is worth it and waiting is no longer holding me back from anything.
This whole thing with Jon is teaching me a lot.
One: I need to learn to trust. I trust Jon with my life, but as soon as this situation came about, I began doubting that I mean enough to him; but what I realized from thinking that is that if Jon were to know that I was doubting how much I mean to him, he would probably be really upset that my mind would even go there. So I need to stop doubting and start trusting.
Two: I need to learn patience. I need to be patient with Jon. I know that he is going through a lot right now and that he needs his time to think and look at the bigger picture. I know that talking to each other is the only way to get through this, but by putting myself in his shoes, I realized that I would want a few days to think too and that I would hope that Jon would be patient with me. And this is another place where trust comes in: I need to trust that my patience is only going to make this better.
And Three: Reality freaking sucks, so I know how Jon must feel right now. He likes for things to be easy and finding out that he has to re-take his classes over the summer completely goes against the idea of things being easy. Of course, hes not the only one though. I have to take an english class this summer as well and Lord knows that no one is excited to take summer classes. I understand him, I know where he is coming from. We wanted a fun summer to ourselves. We wanted to enjoy being together and having the summer off together, but reality decided to smack us in the face and tell us that its not going to be that easy. Work and school are going to consume our time, and that is not a fun thought. But I want to do this together, who would want to do that alone without someone to help motivate you? We are both in the same boat and we can help motivate each other. This is where we fight reality. We can make it enjoyable just like we did for the spring semester and I hope we can do for the semesters to come.
So anyway, to wrap this up, I am more relaxed today. I had a final this morning for my statistics class and I got to school a few hours early to study with a couple friends. This final was ridiculous, it would either make or break my grade in the class, so I was forced to take my mind off of Jon. All I thought about was studying, memorizing formulas, rules, reasons and ideas that would help me pass this exam. The final took me a little under 2 hours to finish and honestly, I think I did pretty well. 10 hours of studying yesterday and 2 hours this morning paid off, at least I hope. So now that this semester is over, Im trying to enroll in my english class for the summer. My final this morning really helped me clear my head and allowed me to focus on everything else, which is helping me be patient with Jon. Im willing to wait for him because he is worth it and waiting is no longer holding me back from anything.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
anticipation
This anticipation is killing me. I'm supposed to talk to Jon today in person about what is going on right now... but with his phone constantly acting up, I don't know when I'll hear from him.
But here is something that I am happy about, something that has given me a glimmer of hope. Jon and I are good together, and everyone around us can see it.
I went to Jon's best friend Connor's house yesterday to let him know what was going on and to get his opinion on things since he really knows Jon better than anyone. When I told him what happened, his first reaction was, "No... you guys are good for each other. There is no way something this small could get in the way of you two. Jon is happy with you, he's better with you. You are his angel, Hill. There is no way this is over. You guys need to talk and you need to open up to him. Tell him everything you are telling me now because I know Jon and what you are telling me is only going to bring you guys closer together."
We talked for a good 45 minutes or so and he was just so sure that things are going to work out.. which gave me so much hope that he was right.
Jon's main concern right now is that he wants me to be his first priority. He wants to put me before everything else in his life, but with everything kind of going crazy right now, he feels like he is putting me on the back burner and its not fair to me. What he needs to know is that him just thinking that I need to be his first priority is enough, but the reality is that I don't want to be his first priority. If we lived in a perfect and easy world, then yes, I would love to be at the top of the list. But we don't, we live in a world that makes things difficult. So realistically I can't be his first priority.. he should have other priorities, it's good for him. But what he needs to realize is that I would rather be at the bottom of his list than not on his list at all. I'm not high maintenance, so when we are together I don't care if we go out to lunch or coffee, or if we sit on his couch for a few hours doing nothing. I wouldn't care if we sat on his couch or in his room while he was doing homework or studying, it's just the fact that we are together that matters to me.
This is hurting both of us, so why put each other through it when the answer is actually pretty simple? We just need to be together. Not physically, just knowing that we have each other. For the last month, we have only been seeing each other once or twice a week, but the time we spend together makes up for the time we were apart.
When I saw him at work yesterday, we were both distraught. We were both miserable and the term "speechless" actually struck me straight in the face, I couldn't open my mouth to say one word, all I could do was look at him while he tried to get some words out.. Now that I have had time to think about everything, I know what I need to tell him. Pretty much everything that I've written here but just with a few extra things added.. I don't care how cheesy this sounds, but life makes sense with Jon. I feel alive with him.. We are so young and I think that this kind of thing is rare for people our age.. so why just give up on it because its not exactly easy anymore? Nothing is easy, life is hard.. but we should be doing this together. Life is easier for both of us just having each other, so why give up? There is no reason. Yeah, its scary, but it's worth it. Jon is worth it.
If you are reading this, please pray for me and please pray for Jon. I think that we deserve each other. We need to see each other.. it just feels like today is going by so slow and the anticipation is creeping up on me.
But here is something that I am happy about, something that has given me a glimmer of hope. Jon and I are good together, and everyone around us can see it.
I went to Jon's best friend Connor's house yesterday to let him know what was going on and to get his opinion on things since he really knows Jon better than anyone. When I told him what happened, his first reaction was, "No... you guys are good for each other. There is no way something this small could get in the way of you two. Jon is happy with you, he's better with you. You are his angel, Hill. There is no way this is over. You guys need to talk and you need to open up to him. Tell him everything you are telling me now because I know Jon and what you are telling me is only going to bring you guys closer together."
We talked for a good 45 minutes or so and he was just so sure that things are going to work out.. which gave me so much hope that he was right.
Jon's main concern right now is that he wants me to be his first priority. He wants to put me before everything else in his life, but with everything kind of going crazy right now, he feels like he is putting me on the back burner and its not fair to me. What he needs to know is that him just thinking that I need to be his first priority is enough, but the reality is that I don't want to be his first priority. If we lived in a perfect and easy world, then yes, I would love to be at the top of the list. But we don't, we live in a world that makes things difficult. So realistically I can't be his first priority.. he should have other priorities, it's good for him. But what he needs to realize is that I would rather be at the bottom of his list than not on his list at all. I'm not high maintenance, so when we are together I don't care if we go out to lunch or coffee, or if we sit on his couch for a few hours doing nothing. I wouldn't care if we sat on his couch or in his room while he was doing homework or studying, it's just the fact that we are together that matters to me.
This is hurting both of us, so why put each other through it when the answer is actually pretty simple? We just need to be together. Not physically, just knowing that we have each other. For the last month, we have only been seeing each other once or twice a week, but the time we spend together makes up for the time we were apart.
When I saw him at work yesterday, we were both distraught. We were both miserable and the term "speechless" actually struck me straight in the face, I couldn't open my mouth to say one word, all I could do was look at him while he tried to get some words out.. Now that I have had time to think about everything, I know what I need to tell him. Pretty much everything that I've written here but just with a few extra things added.. I don't care how cheesy this sounds, but life makes sense with Jon. I feel alive with him.. We are so young and I think that this kind of thing is rare for people our age.. so why just give up on it because its not exactly easy anymore? Nothing is easy, life is hard.. but we should be doing this together. Life is easier for both of us just having each other, so why give up? There is no reason. Yeah, its scary, but it's worth it. Jon is worth it.
If you are reading this, please pray for me and please pray for Jon. I think that we deserve each other. We need to see each other.. it just feels like today is going by so slow and the anticipation is creeping up on me.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
speechless
Just heard the most heartbreaking words a person can hear... and I dont know how to feel or what to feel.
Please be praying for me... If this is really happening, I dont know if I can do it. Jon is everything Ive ever prayed for and the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me..
We are going to talk tomorrow... I just cant believe this is how Im starting my summer... especially when neither of us saw this coming, neither of us want this to happen and we are both hurting.
God,
You are my main foundation, but Jon is my second. He keeps me grounded and livens my soul... without him, I dont know what I would do. Please, if this is what was meant to be, help me be okay with it.. but I dont see how something that hurts two people so badly is what is meant to happen.. so please... help me to be strong in whatever happens and help Jon see that we keep each other in the right place and that even with other priorities taking up so much time, we are still doing so much for each other just being together. God, you brought me Jon for a reason and I dont feel that its over..
Love, your daughter.
Please be praying for me... If this is really happening, I dont know if I can do it. Jon is everything Ive ever prayed for and the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me..
We are going to talk tomorrow... I just cant believe this is how Im starting my summer... especially when neither of us saw this coming, neither of us want this to happen and we are both hurting.
God,
You are my main foundation, but Jon is my second. He keeps me grounded and livens my soul... without him, I dont know what I would do. Please, if this is what was meant to be, help me be okay with it.. but I dont see how something that hurts two people so badly is what is meant to happen.. so please... help me to be strong in whatever happens and help Jon see that we keep each other in the right place and that even with other priorities taking up so much time, we are still doing so much for each other just being together. God, you brought me Jon for a reason and I dont feel that its over..
Love, your daughter.
islander.
One year ago today I left for what would be the most amazing 2 weeks of my life. I didn’t know what I was doing. I knew not one person on my team so I didn’t know who I would meet, what I would experience or if I was even going to want to be there for 2 whole weeks. I didn’t know what I had to offer or what I would be taught, all I knew was that God was doing everything in his power (which is literally everything) to get me to this place I had never been. A place that people dream about going to for honeymoons, vacations, etc. But there I was, being called there not for a vacation or a homeymoon, but for showing love, working harder than I have ever worked and experiencing God in a whole new way.
The people of Fiji captured my heart. I left a part of my soul there with them. After day one I felt like the people living in Homes of Hope were my family.
I don’t really like the beach that much and I’m not a fan of the whole touristy idea of “island life” with the grass skirts, flower necklaces and living in bikinis… but while I was there, I belonged on that island. I didn’t even want to think about going back to America. Leaving your shoes at the door, spending the morning looking out over the rainforest, no furniture, no makeup, doing nothing to your hair, baggy clothes, walking everywhere, not caring about whether it was raining or if the sun was out, not having TV, cell phones, computers, or ipods became a lifestyle I fell in love with…
And now here I sit, one year later, in a Fijian inspired cafe remembering the everlasting effect that my Fijian family left on me, people that “have nothing” through consumer eyes but who have everything through the eyes of God.
The people of Fiji captured my heart. I left a part of my soul there with them. After day one I felt like the people living in Homes of Hope were my family.
I don’t really like the beach that much and I’m not a fan of the whole touristy idea of “island life” with the grass skirts, flower necklaces and living in bikinis… but while I was there, I belonged on that island. I didn’t even want to think about going back to America. Leaving your shoes at the door, spending the morning looking out over the rainforest, no furniture, no makeup, doing nothing to your hair, baggy clothes, walking everywhere, not caring about whether it was raining or if the sun was out, not having TV, cell phones, computers, or ipods became a lifestyle I fell in love with…
And now here I sit, one year later, in a Fijian inspired cafe remembering the everlasting effect that my Fijian family left on me, people that “have nothing” through consumer eyes but who have everything through the eyes of God.
Monday, May 16, 2011
good morning, monday
I was at a coffee shop yesterday from 1:00pm until 8:00pm working on an essay... and here I find myself again working on it and its due in one hour.. oh my!
I can already feel the stress that is going to come along with this week. I don't have finals until next week but this will be my week of studying probably every day.. I haven't seen Jon since Thursday night and for some reason I just miss him so much. Mondays he works 10 1/2 hour shifts and his family is moving into a new house right now so I know that he is so busy too, but seeing each other for even just a few minutes would just make us so much happier. I cannot wait for summer so we can be together so much more.
Thinking of seeing him more takes me back to a memory we have when we were looking for a house a few months back. The house Im living in was built in 1940.. so it is ridiculously old and run down.. so my family and I were looking for a new house. While Jon was at Connor's one day he noticed that the house directly parallel to Connor's was for rent and he called me right away begging to get my parents to look at it. He said that it would be his dream if we moved into that house so we could see each other every day. God I would have loved that.
One thing though that lifts my spirits when I'm missing him is that based on how he talks about our future and how we feel about each other now, I don't have to worry about losing him.. Of course, I know that this can change, but as for now I know that he isn't going anywhere and neither am I, and that makes me the happiest I have ever been.
On another note, Wednesday is my doctors appointment to find out anything we can about what is going on with my knees, and well now also my ankles and hips. On one hand, I am so excited to find out just so I can finally know what this is, if there is a cure and if not, I can start treatment. But on the other hand, I don't want to find out if it is something bad... but I'm going to try not to think that way and hope that it is something more common.
Well, hopefully we all make it through this week!
Xoxo,
Hill
I can already feel the stress that is going to come along with this week. I don't have finals until next week but this will be my week of studying probably every day.. I haven't seen Jon since Thursday night and for some reason I just miss him so much. Mondays he works 10 1/2 hour shifts and his family is moving into a new house right now so I know that he is so busy too, but seeing each other for even just a few minutes would just make us so much happier. I cannot wait for summer so we can be together so much more.
Thinking of seeing him more takes me back to a memory we have when we were looking for a house a few months back. The house Im living in was built in 1940.. so it is ridiculously old and run down.. so my family and I were looking for a new house. While Jon was at Connor's one day he noticed that the house directly parallel to Connor's was for rent and he called me right away begging to get my parents to look at it. He said that it would be his dream if we moved into that house so we could see each other every day. God I would have loved that.
One thing though that lifts my spirits when I'm missing him is that based on how he talks about our future and how we feel about each other now, I don't have to worry about losing him.. Of course, I know that this can change, but as for now I know that he isn't going anywhere and neither am I, and that makes me the happiest I have ever been.
On another note, Wednesday is my doctors appointment to find out anything we can about what is going on with my knees, and well now also my ankles and hips. On one hand, I am so excited to find out just so I can finally know what this is, if there is a cure and if not, I can start treatment. But on the other hand, I don't want to find out if it is something bad... but I'm going to try not to think that way and hope that it is something more common.
Well, hopefully we all make it through this week!
Xoxo,
Hill
Saturday, May 14, 2011
13 years of friendship
I completely forgot that today was Friday the 13th... it definitely didnt seem like it!
My friend Shelby and I have been friends since we were little ones in kindergarten, and for whatever reason, we havent seen eachother since this past September! Soo much has happened since then, so we just had to get together to hang out and catch up. We ended up hitting what seemed like every city today! We started off in Oceanside and went to Starbucks in Carlsbad to use up the gift cards I got for my birthday and from there we went to the Westfield mall. After torturing ourselves by shopping without money, we began driving home and decided to just take a road trip to San Diego to visit a little hookah bar called Cafe Lulu.
We had so much fun in SD! We parked in a super cheap, ghetto parking lot so that we didnt have to pay $50 like Jon and I did, and walked downtown. We stopped in Urban Outfitters on our walk to the cafe and once again tortured ourselves because of how broke we are right now.. but still had so much fun! And I could have sworn that we saw Dougy Mandagi from The Temper Trap... :O
After Urban, we talked around trying to find Cafe Lulu and thank goodness, we found it, walked in and sat down by 6:58 and ordered at 6:59, one minute before happy hour ended! Which meant we had just enough to afford it.
We hadnt eaten anything all day, so after Cafe Lulu we were starving... and since we had no money and no food at my house, we decided to go back up the coast and go farther north to my dad's restaurant in San Clamente called Beachfire! We kinda got lost on our way to the freeway so we called Jon and when we told him we were in SD getting on the freeway to go to San Clamente, he was right when he said "Ohhhh myyy.... did you not get enough driving yesterday?!" I totally forgot how much driving we did yesterday.. San Marcos to Carlsbad to Bonsall to Oceanside to LA and back to Oceanside... O.o
But oh well!! What a good choice it was to drive so far because mmmmmm... the food was even more amazing than usual because of how hungry we were.
We left around 11:30 to go home and we were laughing so hard and having such a good time when all the sudden we were getting in our car when 2 guys walked by and told us we shouldnt be driving drunk and wanted us to be careful... come on now. Like girls cant have fun these days without being drunk??? First of all, we are under 21 and absolutely despise drinking. Second of all, sorry guys but it is possible that we can have more fun being sober! Goodness.... but besides that we had such a fun day!! I missed that girl so much!
So tomorrow night Birds of Paradise is playing a benefit concert so Im hoping that Shel and I can make it. Cant wait! :)
Xoxo,
me
My friend Shelby and I have been friends since we were little ones in kindergarten, and for whatever reason, we havent seen eachother since this past September! Soo much has happened since then, so we just had to get together to hang out and catch up. We ended up hitting what seemed like every city today! We started off in Oceanside and went to Starbucks in Carlsbad to use up the gift cards I got for my birthday and from there we went to the Westfield mall. After torturing ourselves by shopping without money, we began driving home and decided to just take a road trip to San Diego to visit a little hookah bar called Cafe Lulu.
We had so much fun in SD! We parked in a super cheap, ghetto parking lot so that we didnt have to pay $50 like Jon and I did, and walked downtown. We stopped in Urban Outfitters on our walk to the cafe and once again tortured ourselves because of how broke we are right now.. but still had so much fun! And I could have sworn that we saw Dougy Mandagi from The Temper Trap... :O
After Urban, we talked around trying to find Cafe Lulu and thank goodness, we found it, walked in and sat down by 6:58 and ordered at 6:59, one minute before happy hour ended! Which meant we had just enough to afford it.
We hadnt eaten anything all day, so after Cafe Lulu we were starving... and since we had no money and no food at my house, we decided to go back up the coast and go farther north to my dad's restaurant in San Clamente called Beachfire! We kinda got lost on our way to the freeway so we called Jon and when we told him we were in SD getting on the freeway to go to San Clamente, he was right when he said "Ohhhh myyy.... did you not get enough driving yesterday?!" I totally forgot how much driving we did yesterday.. San Marcos to Carlsbad to Bonsall to Oceanside to LA and back to Oceanside... O.o
But oh well!! What a good choice it was to drive so far because mmmmmm... the food was even more amazing than usual because of how hungry we were.
We left around 11:30 to go home and we were laughing so hard and having such a good time when all the sudden we were getting in our car when 2 guys walked by and told us we shouldnt be driving drunk and wanted us to be careful... come on now. Like girls cant have fun these days without being drunk??? First of all, we are under 21 and absolutely despise drinking. Second of all, sorry guys but it is possible that we can have more fun being sober! Goodness.... but besides that we had such a fun day!! I missed that girl so much!
So tomorrow night Birds of Paradise is playing a benefit concert so Im hoping that Shel and I can make it. Cant wait! :)
Xoxo,
me
Friday, May 13, 2011
oh what a week
I cant believe that its already Friday.. well that its actually Friday. Ive been a day off this whole week. Monday I thought was Tuesday, Tuesday I thought was Wednesday, etc... and it was because this week I only went to one class (oops) and I wasnt scheduled to work at all after Monday..
I went into Teri Cafe on Monday to see Jon and to clear the air.. and oh my goodness it feels so much better to know that everything is fine! Sunday was honestly the longest day of my life with both of us having to work from morning til night.. so Monday definitely couldnt have come faster.. and everything turned out perfect. Hint #1: big smile on his face when I walked in. Hint #2: big smile and a little laugh when I said "Im so sorry!" and then being able to talk about it. ugh... relief!
Tuesday was just flat out awful and only because I was bombarded by a swarm of bees in my house after waking up from a much needed nap.
Now that I think about Wednesday, I did more than I thought. Class in the morning was hilarious. We watched a 25 minute long documentart called "What I did on my vacation; the happenings" that just about completed my life. It was about "the happenings" of the late 1950s and the early '60s where groups of people got together and did ridiculously random things that counted as making statements to the public. Amazing! I want so badly to watch it again but I cant find it anywhere :/
Anyway, what else.. I met Jon right after class at Jamba Juice for a little bit before he went to work and after I went to Natalies..but since we did absolutely nothing at her house, I decided to take her to a place Jon is obsessed with that I still hadnt been to. Its a little shop in Oceanside called Captain's Helm and if you know Jon, that store is him. Everything in that store resembles some part of his personality and I was so blown away the second I walked in! We were there for like 30 mins or so just staring at everything. Thank God my finals arent until the week after this or I would feel awful that I didnt spend any time studying. After Captains Helm, we went to community night at church.. Its so weird going from the Jordan to Community Night. Ive graduated and Im in college but most of my friends are still in high school so I go every once in a while to the HS services.. but its just so weird. Im so glad they are all going to be at the Jordan next semester :)
Yesterday was Thursday and by far the busiest day of my week. I didnt go to class again because Jon and I had intended on leaving for LA around 1:30, which would have put practice at like 12:00... but we were a little late getting to practice around 1:00. Louis was in the shower so we waited for like 20 minutes to go inside and Carlos wasnt there yet, so they just messed around until he got there. God, I could listen to Jon play guitar for the rest of my life and be happy. He kept playing my absolute favorite song "sweet disposition" and I felt like a giddy little kid bouncing on a bed from excitement. Haha oh my.. when Carlos finally showed up, stressed as ever, they practiced until 4:00 which put us ridiculously off schedule.. and we didnt leave until 4:45.. we had to pick up Natalie in Oceanside which put us back a bit too, and then we were off. Thank God alive there was no traffic until about an hour of being there. The car ride was a little stressful.. but we still managed to make it fun. It was Jon, Natalie, Levi and I in the car and we just decided to goof around and play weird music the whole way up. When we got there...The Roxy. Thats all I can say! It was amazing. A little stressful still since we had so much to do in so little time, but it was okay because when they pulled the curtains up, they were amazing! They did so good, I was so proud. They played for 40 minutes and as soon as the curtains went down, a very, very large security guard pulled me aside and asked to talk to me. All I could think was "holy crap, holy crap... what did I do!?" well it just turned out that I was "cute".. are you kidding me!? He scared me so much and when I told him how I knew the band he was like "oh.. i see how this is. yeah i dont want to give him any wrong messages so ill let you go." thank you!! Natalie got a kick out of it and thought it was the funniest thing that ever happened to me so she decided to tell Jon who wasnt too happy about it. Ugh haha I hate getting hit on!! Worst thing ever. Anyway, Natalie and Levi passed out on the way home and I tried so hard not to fall sleep so that I could keep Jon company and just in case he got tired... but I was way too exhausted and kept falling asleep and waking up over and over again.. fail.
We got back in record time and we were all exhausted so we went home. But honestly, it was all together an amazing day.
Today I get to hang out with my friend Shelby who I havent seen since I moved to and back from Oregon last year..its been so long! Im so stoked. And then next week Ill be back to reality and studying more than ever for my finals.
Hope everyone is well!
Xoxo,
Hill
I went into Teri Cafe on Monday to see Jon and to clear the air.. and oh my goodness it feels so much better to know that everything is fine! Sunday was honestly the longest day of my life with both of us having to work from morning til night.. so Monday definitely couldnt have come faster.. and everything turned out perfect. Hint #1: big smile on his face when I walked in. Hint #2: big smile and a little laugh when I said "Im so sorry!" and then being able to talk about it. ugh... relief!
Tuesday was just flat out awful and only because I was bombarded by a swarm of bees in my house after waking up from a much needed nap.
Now that I think about Wednesday, I did more than I thought. Class in the morning was hilarious. We watched a 25 minute long documentart called "What I did on my vacation; the happenings" that just about completed my life. It was about "the happenings" of the late 1950s and the early '60s where groups of people got together and did ridiculously random things that counted as making statements to the public. Amazing! I want so badly to watch it again but I cant find it anywhere :/
Anyway, what else.. I met Jon right after class at Jamba Juice for a little bit before he went to work and after I went to Natalies..but since we did absolutely nothing at her house, I decided to take her to a place Jon is obsessed with that I still hadnt been to. Its a little shop in Oceanside called Captain's Helm and if you know Jon, that store is him. Everything in that store resembles some part of his personality and I was so blown away the second I walked in! We were there for like 30 mins or so just staring at everything. Thank God my finals arent until the week after this or I would feel awful that I didnt spend any time studying. After Captains Helm, we went to community night at church.. Its so weird going from the Jordan to Community Night. Ive graduated and Im in college but most of my friends are still in high school so I go every once in a while to the HS services.. but its just so weird. Im so glad they are all going to be at the Jordan next semester :)
Yesterday was Thursday and by far the busiest day of my week. I didnt go to class again because Jon and I had intended on leaving for LA around 1:30, which would have put practice at like 12:00... but we were a little late getting to practice around 1:00. Louis was in the shower so we waited for like 20 minutes to go inside and Carlos wasnt there yet, so they just messed around until he got there. God, I could listen to Jon play guitar for the rest of my life and be happy. He kept playing my absolute favorite song "sweet disposition" and I felt like a giddy little kid bouncing on a bed from excitement. Haha oh my.. when Carlos finally showed up, stressed as ever, they practiced until 4:00 which put us ridiculously off schedule.. and we didnt leave until 4:45.. we had to pick up Natalie in Oceanside which put us back a bit too, and then we were off. Thank God alive there was no traffic until about an hour of being there. The car ride was a little stressful.. but we still managed to make it fun. It was Jon, Natalie, Levi and I in the car and we just decided to goof around and play weird music the whole way up. When we got there...The Roxy. Thats all I can say! It was amazing. A little stressful still since we had so much to do in so little time, but it was okay because when they pulled the curtains up, they were amazing! They did so good, I was so proud. They played for 40 minutes and as soon as the curtains went down, a very, very large security guard pulled me aside and asked to talk to me. All I could think was "holy crap, holy crap... what did I do!?" well it just turned out that I was "cute".. are you kidding me!? He scared me so much and when I told him how I knew the band he was like "oh.. i see how this is. yeah i dont want to give him any wrong messages so ill let you go." thank you!! Natalie got a kick out of it and thought it was the funniest thing that ever happened to me so she decided to tell Jon who wasnt too happy about it. Ugh haha I hate getting hit on!! Worst thing ever. Anyway, Natalie and Levi passed out on the way home and I tried so hard not to fall sleep so that I could keep Jon company and just in case he got tired... but I was way too exhausted and kept falling asleep and waking up over and over again.. fail.
We got back in record time and we were all exhausted so we went home. But honestly, it was all together an amazing day.
Today I get to hang out with my friend Shelby who I havent seen since I moved to and back from Oregon last year..its been so long! Im so stoked. And then next week Ill be back to reality and studying more than ever for my finals.
Hope everyone is well!
Xoxo,
Hill
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
you are wonderful
I woke up this morning so thankful that the weekend is over. This weekend was just so weird and random and stressed me out a bit too much... plus it was so painful! Smashing my hand in the door of my car and getting a minor concussion from getting nailed in the forehead with a block of wood definitely did not make it a better experience.. so this morning I was so relieved to have a band new week to look forward to.
This morning I went to breakfast with my grandma, mom and aunt Heidi at Mimi's Cafe and got to spend some time with the both of them to make up for Mother's Day. I went to Teri Cafe straight from there to hang out with Jon at work for a little bit and to apologize for the off weekend. I love how much he trusts me and how well he knows me to know that this weekend was nothing at all... and I was so relieved to see that amazing smile on his face when I walked in the door.. I feel so lucky to have someone so wonderful in my life. I never thought it would happen for me. I left about an hour after being there to go to E Street Cafe in Encinitas to do some research and studying for my Art History class until I had to leave for work and thank goodness I got so much done. I know it sounds like I went to a lot of food places today, but I actually didnt order anything from anywhere I went.. so dont worry, Im not that much of a spender ;) Work was great today! Baby Addy was in such a great mood and she was honestly laughing the whole time. She is so frikin adorable!
It has been so long since I have seen Natalie and my God, I missed her so much! We went to coffee this evening at the Old California Coffee House where I actually did order myself something to eat and drink for the first time today. We had so much fun catching up and playing cards. She had never been there before, oddly enough since its right down the street from her house, but she fell in love with it! We might just have to make that a weekly tradition.... :)
Anyway, tomorrow I dont work since I picked up a shift this afternoon, so I get to spend the day with Jon before we go up to LA on Thursday for his show! So excited. I have a feeling this is going to be a great week! Definitely much needed after this past weekend.
Hope you all are doing well!
Until next time,
Hill
xoxo
This morning I went to breakfast with my grandma, mom and aunt Heidi at Mimi's Cafe and got to spend some time with the both of them to make up for Mother's Day. I went to Teri Cafe straight from there to hang out with Jon at work for a little bit and to apologize for the off weekend. I love how much he trusts me and how well he knows me to know that this weekend was nothing at all... and I was so relieved to see that amazing smile on his face when I walked in the door.. I feel so lucky to have someone so wonderful in my life. I never thought it would happen for me. I left about an hour after being there to go to E Street Cafe in Encinitas to do some research and studying for my Art History class until I had to leave for work and thank goodness I got so much done. I know it sounds like I went to a lot of food places today, but I actually didnt order anything from anywhere I went.. so dont worry, Im not that much of a spender ;) Work was great today! Baby Addy was in such a great mood and she was honestly laughing the whole time. She is so frikin adorable!
It has been so long since I have seen Natalie and my God, I missed her so much! We went to coffee this evening at the Old California Coffee House where I actually did order myself something to eat and drink for the first time today. We had so much fun catching up and playing cards. She had never been there before, oddly enough since its right down the street from her house, but she fell in love with it! We might just have to make that a weekly tradition.... :)
Anyway, tomorrow I dont work since I picked up a shift this afternoon, so I get to spend the day with Jon before we go up to LA on Thursday for his show! So excited. I have a feeling this is going to be a great week! Definitely much needed after this past weekend.
Hope you all are doing well!
Until next time,
Hill
xoxo
Friday, May 6, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
how wonderful life is while you're in the world
I couldnt have asked for this week to have ended any better way. After a week of school, work and non-stop studying, I was definitely ready for a break.
Thursday after work, I went with my friends Alicia and Christy to The Jordan, the college ministry at my church. It was such a great night, and even though I was strangely introvert, it was wonderful to see everyones faces! I cant wait to go back this week.
I usually work between 8 and 11 hours on Fridays, so Thursday night I was hoping to get plenty of sleep to prepare myself for a full day of watching a 6 month old baby.. until about 6:30 in the afternoon when I get a text from the mom that I babysit for telling me that I didnt have to work Friday! Meaning I didnt have to wake up at 5:00am to be there by 6:30am... finally, I got to sleep in! My friend Evan and I have been trying to get together this past week to cathch up, but we had both been so busy, so since I had Friday off, her and I finally got to get together! We went to Vinaka, of course, and talked for hours. It was so good to see her after one whole year (where time goes, I have no idea) and to hear how well she is doing! I really missed her. That afternoon, I was planning on just relaxing at home since I didnt really have any plans, but my friend Sarah surprised me with an invite to go to a benefit concert with her! So we went spur of the moment and had such a great time.
Saturday I just ran around and did some errands until I found out that one of my best friends was camping at the Carlsbad campgrounds with her family! If you know me, you know that camping is one of my favorite things in the world and Ive been dying to go for the longest time.. so when I heard they were there, I was all in. I showed up around 6:00pm and when I got there, Leesha was on a bike ride with her moms friend, so I played with her adorable little miracle brother, Kaeden, who is almost one year old now! I adore him so much. Leesh got back about 20 minutes later and we watched part of Toy Story 3 with the baby, and then went and had burritos around the campfire with her family and my aunt and uncle. We had so much fun! I always forget how much fun I have with all of them.. I love them so much.
While at the campgrounds, our friend Jodi told me about the street fair that was today, and I got so excited. I love the street fair and I havent been in so long! I always seem to be out of town or something when they are being held...so I definitely planned on going. When I woke up this morning, I walked in the living room and looked out the window to see my neighbor Alistair having a yard sale in my front yard! Haha so I went out and helped him out with a few things and ended up buying a tripod for my camera and he gave me some oil paints for free... stoked! After attempting to work out which failed do to my arthritis pain getting worse and worse, I got ready for Natalie to come over to go to the fair. On our way, we stopped at Jamba Juice where I got a delicious Matcha Green Tea smoothie which Jon got me hooked on a few months ago, and we ended up running into our friend Connor! We walked all the streets of the fair and ran into Natalie's sister toward the end and went up to Vinaka for some tea to cool us down.. it was like 80 out today, so hot! After Vinaka, we walked a few more streets and right when we were about to leave... we heard some beautiful music coming from some direction. Realizing the song was "Oh! Darling," we just had to follow the noise until we found where it was coming from.. and when we arrived, I almost fainted. It was closest I will ever come to seeing the Beatles play live (obviously); a British band dressed up in suits with wigs on completely resembling the Beatles. Most amazing thing ever!!! The only thing that would top that for me would be seeing Paul McCartney live. We stayed for a few songs and watched the most adorable old couple dance to the songs that they grew up to and then walked home and got ready to go to Natalie's house. After leaving Nat's, I decided to go surprise Jon at work since I knew he had a long day staying indoors and not being able to go to the fair. I always love seeing his face when I go in to surprise him :) It always makes both mine and his day, haha. I sneaked my debit card in at the last second so I could pay for some soup, but Jon being Jon, ordered me more food so he could be the one to pay for it.. haha gotta love it, though. It made me so happy to see him after such a busy week. All my problems seem to fade away when Im with him and being left with feeling only joy. You've gotta love God's perfect plan.
Tomorrow I say goodbye to my friend, Alistair who was having the yard sale this morning. He is leaving for the Oregon Trail at about 7:45am.. Im so nervous for him but I know he is going to have such an amazing experience! He will definitely be in my prayers for the next few months for safety.
Im also getting sooooooooo excited for this Friday! Fleet Foxes!! :)
I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!
Xoxo,
Hill
Thursday after work, I went with my friends Alicia and Christy to The Jordan, the college ministry at my church. It was such a great night, and even though I was strangely introvert, it was wonderful to see everyones faces! I cant wait to go back this week.
I usually work between 8 and 11 hours on Fridays, so Thursday night I was hoping to get plenty of sleep to prepare myself for a full day of watching a 6 month old baby.. until about 6:30 in the afternoon when I get a text from the mom that I babysit for telling me that I didnt have to work Friday! Meaning I didnt have to wake up at 5:00am to be there by 6:30am... finally, I got to sleep in! My friend Evan and I have been trying to get together this past week to cathch up, but we had both been so busy, so since I had Friday off, her and I finally got to get together! We went to Vinaka, of course, and talked for hours. It was so good to see her after one whole year (where time goes, I have no idea) and to hear how well she is doing! I really missed her. That afternoon, I was planning on just relaxing at home since I didnt really have any plans, but my friend Sarah surprised me with an invite to go to a benefit concert with her! So we went spur of the moment and had such a great time.
Saturday I just ran around and did some errands until I found out that one of my best friends was camping at the Carlsbad campgrounds with her family! If you know me, you know that camping is one of my favorite things in the world and Ive been dying to go for the longest time.. so when I heard they were there, I was all in. I showed up around 6:00pm and when I got there, Leesha was on a bike ride with her moms friend, so I played with her adorable little miracle brother, Kaeden, who is almost one year old now! I adore him so much. Leesh got back about 20 minutes later and we watched part of Toy Story 3 with the baby, and then went and had burritos around the campfire with her family and my aunt and uncle. We had so much fun! I always forget how much fun I have with all of them.. I love them so much.
While at the campgrounds, our friend Jodi told me about the street fair that was today, and I got so excited. I love the street fair and I havent been in so long! I always seem to be out of town or something when they are being held...so I definitely planned on going. When I woke up this morning, I walked in the living room and looked out the window to see my neighbor Alistair having a yard sale in my front yard! Haha so I went out and helped him out with a few things and ended up buying a tripod for my camera and he gave me some oil paints for free... stoked! After attempting to work out which failed do to my arthritis pain getting worse and worse, I got ready for Natalie to come over to go to the fair. On our way, we stopped at Jamba Juice where I got a delicious Matcha Green Tea smoothie which Jon got me hooked on a few months ago, and we ended up running into our friend Connor! We walked all the streets of the fair and ran into Natalie's sister toward the end and went up to Vinaka for some tea to cool us down.. it was like 80 out today, so hot! After Vinaka, we walked a few more streets and right when we were about to leave... we heard some beautiful music coming from some direction. Realizing the song was "Oh! Darling," we just had to follow the noise until we found where it was coming from.. and when we arrived, I almost fainted. It was closest I will ever come to seeing the Beatles play live (obviously); a British band dressed up in suits with wigs on completely resembling the Beatles. Most amazing thing ever!!! The only thing that would top that for me would be seeing Paul McCartney live. We stayed for a few songs and watched the most adorable old couple dance to the songs that they grew up to and then walked home and got ready to go to Natalie's house. After leaving Nat's, I decided to go surprise Jon at work since I knew he had a long day staying indoors and not being able to go to the fair. I always love seeing his face when I go in to surprise him :) It always makes both mine and his day, haha. I sneaked my debit card in at the last second so I could pay for some soup, but Jon being Jon, ordered me more food so he could be the one to pay for it.. haha gotta love it, though. It made me so happy to see him after such a busy week. All my problems seem to fade away when Im with him and being left with feeling only joy. You've gotta love God's perfect plan.
Tomorrow I say goodbye to my friend, Alistair who was having the yard sale this morning. He is leaving for the Oregon Trail at about 7:45am.. Im so nervous for him but I know he is going to have such an amazing experience! He will definitely be in my prayers for the next few months for safety.
Im also getting sooooooooo excited for this Friday! Fleet Foxes!! :)
I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!
Xoxo,
Hill
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