Relief.

Yesterday... I told him my story. I told him everything about my past that makes up who I have become. I knew I was going to have to tell him eventually, but I wasnt sure when it was going to happen.. and all of the sudden he asked me one question that followed a statement I had said. That question was "Why?" and thats when I knew.. I was about to spill it. I could tell he knew as well.

I had never been so nervous to tell anyone my story before; not even when I was in a crowd of strangers. I was nervous because he was about to know me and maybe see me in a different light, and I wasnt sure if that light would be good or bad.

I didnt leave anything out. Everything as embarassing as being anorexic and bulimic for one year and as intense as running away was out in the open. All the reasons behind those things were out as well. But when I was talking, I felt something that I didnt expect to feel, and that was confidence. I was confident that this was good, that he was accepting it. I was confident that I didnt break anything, and that for me is a huge leap. I am so good at thinking that people are going to leave, mainly because its happened to me so many times; but in this case, I felt secure.

Security is something that I have only ever known with one person, and that one person is my best friend Natalie. She is the one person that got to experience everything first hand while I was going through it and never had one single thought of leaving me to deal with it on my own. She has never let me feel like I didnt have anyone, and now there is another who, although didnt get to experience it first hand, knows my story and isnt going anywhere.

God is so good. He is so smart.... and I am so relieved.

Xoxo,
Hill